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Chimera by Marie_Bourne376
Link to story.
Plot
This is a short fic with little action and all thought. It’s introspection at its finest, a character study of a complicated boy in a highly unlikely relationship told in first person POV. It’s a boy lying in bed next to another boy, trying to come to terms with this bizarre relationship, still trying to figure out how to act. Automatically Marie, you get bonus points for being ballsy and writing a Jess/Dean slash that goes against the standards of usual fic.
Jess thinks about what they have just done, and now that it’s over, he does not know what to do. He and Dean are still an unexplained, almost awkward occurrence that once over with does not mean they do the normal relationship stuff. There is no talking, no cuddling, and no hand holding. Jess even contemplates Dean’s hands, wanting to ask him about the scars that mar the skin but holds back. He wants to trace Dean’s spine, but cannot. He is not sure if he can. He is afraid.
Then, in the end, after many awkward stares and “What’s?” Dean reaches out and touches Jess without consent, like bridging the gap between them. Rounding out the story and all of Jess’s thoughts. Makes the reader wonder if he was thinking the same things as Jess throughout the fic, or if he was already comfortable and sure with what was going on.
It is a perfect ending that completes the story. And an ending that stole my breath.
Characterization
Don’t worry. I am not going to start complaining about the sexual orientation of either character. It’s a slash, so duh. Besides, who hasn’t wondered about Dean’s and Jess’s burning animosity toward each other? Buried sexual frustration, perhaps? Heh.
I like Dean, even though he is more of a disembodied thought that a real big character part of the story. I enjoyed what he did do though. The “What” and the sighing at Jess, becoming quickly irritated with him. He and Jess never really could stand each other for long. Plus, the line “the Chicago in it, mixed with sleep” was an excellent detail.
Jess’s portrayal is quite interesting in this story. He feels vulnerable and frightened – two adjectives that don’t usually go with him. However, you made me believe it by showing Jess’s doubt, his lust, his something more – his innermost thoughts that skim over hand holding. Very nice.
Style/Flow
This story had a good flow to it, each line carrying the reader to the next. Some lines are sparse, yet just enough. Well done.
Structure/Spelling/Grammar
No complaints here.
Things To Work On
“Or maybe that was your body heat.” This line stuck out to me because you just used “body heat” in the line before it. This may have been a stylistic choice on your part, but I couldn’t help thinking this would have worked better if you had used “Or maybe that was yours”. It’s a minor nitpick to do with repetitive word usage, because I’m always driving myself up the wall with it.
“I know I could caress your tongue with mine, touch you in places where the sun doesn’t shine…” This is a particularly strong line, but I felt the latter description of “sun doesn’t shine” sounded awkward here, maybe even took away from the emotion of the sentence. Once again a minor nitpick, but this time to do with word usage.
Things That Rocked My Socks
Jess. Dean. Jess’s studying of Dean and your description of the male body. Dean’s small role in comparison to Jess’s thoughts. “It’s funny, how you are always crooning your neck to meet my words, my lips.” Jess’s uncertainty about when he can touch Dean. “You have beautiful hands…” The lack of dialogue save for the “What’s”. The ending. Hell, that was my favorite part. It was one of those endings that made you shiver – so freaking simple, it’s perfect.
Letter Grade
A
Reviewed by:
Angeleyez
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